10 Strong Signs Your Ex Boyfriend Will Eventually Come Back
A collection of signs that will predict whether your ex-boyfriend will come back.
Maybe the grass wasn’t greener. Perhaps his rosy new future turned out to be a barren wasteland. Or maybe, just maybe, he genuinely made a mistake he now wants to rectify.
Whatever the case may be, he’s showing signs of having second thoughts.
How do I know? I don’t, but I can take an honest, educated guess based on a sprinkling of research and personal experience.
Here are my handpicked signs your ex-boyfriend will eventually come back that I think are relatively fake proof.
Signs Your Ex Will Come Back
1. He Responds to Contact Swiftly
Anger and confusion are not signs of an ex-boyfriend that no longer cares. Indifference is.
This is why manipulative exes often feign indifference. To make you desperate enough to do the dirty work for them (force you to risk pain and rejection to get closure).
If he reacts swiftly, even if the reactions seem negative, it shows that he still cares.
This doesn’t mean reconciliation is possible, but it means his feelings for you are strong enough to warrant a prominent place on his list of priorities.
2. He Reaches Out
Swift replies are great, but initiating contact is an even better sign he continues to have potent feelings for you.
Sure, if he’s reaching out because he needs something specific, maybe that’s all he truly needs.
But if he’s fine with an open-ended chit-chat about nothing specific, and seems content to just remain connected, he values your presence.
Bonus points for an ex-boyfriend who takes charge of their emotions and takes responsibility for their part in the relationship's downfall. An ex who continues to explore your past relationship is usually looking for ways to repair what went wrong.
3. He Escalates Contact
If you’re emailing, he’ll offer to text. If you’re texting, he’ll try to call. If you’re already calling, he’ll push for a face-to-face.
An ex who is escalating contact is working towards bridging the gap.
It can be a subtle process, and easy to second guess. Look at your contact through a wide lens. If you went from talking “out of the blue” to nightly recaps at 3 am over a few weeks, chances are it isn’t just an attempt to remain friends.
4. He’s Consistent
Almost every ex, even those who have no intention of reconciling, is going to have moments of weakness.
An impulsive, drunken, emotionally charged call from an ex is a sign they are working through the emotions, but not necessarily a sign they are seriously second-guessing the breakup.
What happens when they sober up? What happens when the momentary insecurity fades?
Consistency requires sober, determined decision-making.
An ex who is consistent with their contact, who offers a timetable and structure to your relationship, is showing the willingness to sacrifice and invest in you.
This is not something you can fake over long periods and is a clear indicator of interest.
5. He Says So
If your ex is notoriously unreliable, there’s much to be wary of. However, sometimes we overlook the obvious because we’re justifiably scared of being hurt.
Yes, words are words, but a concise declaration of intent is a good starting point. Can he state clearly what he wants?
Take a no-nonsense policy towards mixed messages, which are usually just ways to leech self-esteem, affection, and attention without risking being vulnerable.
If his actions match his words, then you have the foundations of an ex who is serious about coming back. But again, words need to be accompanied by action. Words alone carry little weight because they involve no investment.
6. He Keeps Tabs on You
If he’s serious about patching things up, he will not risk you dancing off into the sunset on a new adventure without him.
I don’t mean this in a creepy way. And I certainly don’t want to insinuate that jealousy or possessiveness are indications that an ex is serious about reconciling — because I don’t think they are.
But an ex who is courting their chances will have a vague idea of what you’re up to. You might catch your ex:
Asking mutual acquaintances what you’re up to.
Keeping in contact with your family.
Browsing your social media for clues.
Reaching out to you with crumbs (here’s a picture of my new dog!)
The list is endless, and often quite creative.
In a perfect world, he’d reach out to you directly with his thoughts, but this isn’t always the case.
If he wants to keep his options open, he might try to hide his intention to spare rejection or hurt, but he will know what you’re up to.
7. He Keeps Bringing Up Your Relationship History
If conversations keep gravitating towards your past relationship, that’s where the focus of his attention lies.
It can be subtle.
Even a harmless inside joke is a way of attempting to bring you together. It’s something that you alone share, and therefore a reminder that your bond is special.
Perhaps talking about the past is a way to gain closure, and I hear you, but if you are having difficulty grappling with the breakup, at worst, it is a sign that you still care.
An ex-boyfriend that is done with the relationship will want to move forward. And that will be reflected in his language and actions.
For instance, he will avoid:
Using affectionate nicknames
Using inside jokes
Talking about repairing the relationship
Talking about taking responsibility
Reminiscing about the “heady” days of your romance
Including this kind of language means drawing you together, and a boyfriend who has no intention of reconciling will subconsciously avoid doing so to avoid drawing out the breakup process.
Their focus will be on the future instead.
8. He Offers His Time
Dealing with an ex hellbent on moving on will leave us feeling like we need to book an appointment.
The further up our list of priorities something is, the more time we invest in it. If you’ve been relegated to his past, even if we remain important, the shift in attention will become conspicuous.
We understand this instinctively, which is why mind games such as “no contact” exist. Because we know that withdrawing our attention will tell our ex that we’re moving on without them. This can backfire horribly if our ex is moving on already.
An ex-boyfriend who offers his time is making room for us in his life, which means the games aren’t over yet.
9. Baiting Without the Switch
We’re all familiar with a manipulative ex’s bait and switch routine.
They’ll throw out their bait, usually, something they know will get your attention but won’t involve directly communicating, and then the moment you reach out, they disappear.
Call it what you will: hot and cold behavior, mixed messages, crumbs, or good old-fashioned mind games. The aim is to get you to reach out to them, risking nothing themselves. It’s also used to gauge how you feel about them without having to ask and incur your wrath.
An ex-boyfriend who throws out the bait but doesn’t switch, which is to say they latch onto your communication and try to keep it alive, may be insecure, but they are also serious about keeping you around.
10. Your Gut Instinct Tells You So
This point may seem like a recipe for more confusion and false hope, but our gut instinct is often right, even when the outcome ends up being wrong.
Why do I believe this? Well, our gut instinct is nothing other than subconsciously processed information. Real information.
For instance, our mind might pick up on a conflict between our ex’s words and their body language. This discrepancy provokes a feeling of distrust or unease, which is at odds with our logic.
Your ex might say he hates you and that he’s glad it’s over, but despite this, you subconsciously pick up on hundreds of small signs he’s actually hurt rather than genuinely enraged.
The question is, what is more reliable? The objective reality unfurled before us. Or reading the context and meaning between its lines?
Trusting our gut instinct often means more pain, because, despite the very real conflicts that you are picking up on, there’s no guarantee that these raw signals will ever morph into reality.
There’s no right answer to the question of trusting our gut instinct. Some will call it a recipe for false hope. Others will value the ringing of our internal alarm bells as a better way to decipher our ex’s intent.
But no matter what your stance is, I would say that understanding what triggered our gut instinct is worth investigating, even if it means adding more insecurity to the pile.
There’s usually something important it’s trying to tell us.
Is Your Ex Playing Mind Games?
I've tried to compile a list of signs I feel are relatively unfakeable because they require the kind of investment an ex who is playing games won't commit to.
However, there is no such thing as an unfakeable sign.
There are other reasons an ex might hang around (without wanting to reconcile).
They are looking for a self-esteem boost.
They are looking for friends with benefits.
They don't want you to move on (but don't want to reconcile either)
They are possessive or jealous.
They are spiteful, vindictive, or resentful.
They want to keep their options open.
This is just a sample of why an ex's behavior can get confusing.
The bottom line is that detecting mind games isn't always possible, but it becomes a lot more likely once you stop accepting words as emotional currency.
The manipulative façade quickly crumbles when it's time to act. Demand action. If they continue to act hot and cold or retreat, remember that the lack of an explanation is an answer.
Do Guys Eventually Come Back?
Yes. Yes, they do.
And if your ex-boyfriend is willing to initiate and sustain his share of post-breakup communication, I'd say there's a decent chance he's seriously considering it.
But even if he continues to have feelings for you, your main obstacle will be navigating the confusion that arises as we attempt to protect our feelings from further pain.
Even when we feel we are being obvious about our intentions, an anxious ex will twist our actions into something that mirrors their internal battle. So be big, bold, and utterly crystalline with your communication.